newseason – Style Me H

This isn’t the first time this has happened. I see something online or in a shop, I decide I don’t want it or need it and then a few days later I have to have it. Except this time it was too late – it’s not like the M&S insta famous dresses that go viral, sell out and come back in a few weeks later – oh no it’s worse than that.

I was scrolling through Insta with my son – we stopped and admired someone sharing the Kimono as their outfit of the day. We said how nice she looked and discussed whether mummy should buy it – we decided I didn’t need it although I’m sure he’s in cahoots with my husband and being paid for each item of clothing he manages to stop me buying!

So we carried on scrolling and no more was said about it. Except he’s 7 – what does he know. He doesn’t spend every waking hour thinking about clothes and whether you should buy it, keep it, return it or sell a kidney for it. And now its out of stock. And I have to have it. It doesn’t matter if I even like it now – I want one and I have to have it. In my head I sound like that irritating little kid Verruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – it goes something like “I want one of those, she can’t have one, who says I cant, I want one, I want a golden goose, (I want a kimono) and I want it now…and if I don’t get the things I am after I’m going to scream….!

Don’t care how, I want it now”

Except now isn’t an option – this Kimono had 20% off so sold out pretty quick. It was also only available in store or on one of two websites – Wallis (defo sold out) and House of Fraser. Yep, I started my search less than 24 hours after it went bust – are you frickin kidding me. Now I’m thinking it could be there somewhere, still in there, just waiting online with no-one to buy it. Maybe they are ALL still there – oh I can’t bear to think of all those lovely Kimonos stuck in a HoF warehouse but with no website to sell them!

And so it began – I trawled the internet, scoured those random sites where they lure you in by showing the Kimono is in stock, you click the link, hold your breath – and get re-directed to the sodding Wallis website – where it’s still sold out! Ebay – nope, Wallis stores nearby – nope, weird little department store in Farnham that has a Wallis concession (and Dash do you remember them?!) Nope. Outnet on the way to work, nope. Contemplate messaging the stylist on Insta to see how much she really likes hers and if she’d like to sell it….give up H it’s not meant to be.

I take respite for a couple of days but damn it everyone now has a Kimono or a duster coat or whatever you want to call it. Will everyone just stop posting pics of Kimonos and post pics of leopard print instead – I don’t need any more of that – said no-one ever! Yes there’s plenty of other Kimonos but they’re not the same and I’ve got the outfit firmly fixed in my head now and I will not give up.

It’s a Tuesday night, the kids should be in bed, I’m back on the Wallis website willing it to magically appear. Somehow I bypass the ‘find in store option’ – you can’t search without a size but you can’t add the size you’re looking for when it’s out of stock. First world problems I know. I don’t care how I’ve done it but all of a sudden I can search my local stores – nothing in the radius I’m able to get to. What about Kent – mother and step-mum have access to a lot of shops between them and they are both shopaholics – nope, nothing I Kent, nada. Shit tits.

London – yep just generally London – I know people who work in the city – I’m sure they’ve not got anything better to do than find me a Kimono – I mean how big can London be and how far really would they have to travel? Who cares, let’s search first and worry about the deets later…

Marble Arch – one in stock – Size 10

OH MY GOD

It’s probably a lie

I should probably call them just in case

But it’s 830pm

They’re open til 9…

Course they are – it’s London H not Farnham where Sunday trading and late night opening is actually illegal.

Makes call

Waits while she checks

“Will you two just be quiet and stop trying to kill each other, mummy’s on a very important work call”

“Yes we have one here”

“Any chance you can post and I pay over the phone?” (Worth a try)

“No – we can hold it until tomorrow”

“Yep that’s fine thanks so much. Me or a friend will be in tomorrow – the names Norgate”

Fuck.

Now, fellow shopaholic besties are besties for a reason right? I mean she works in London, (lets brush aside the fact she only started her new job just last week), but she’s Head of HR – surely she can rock up whenever she wants, pop out to say Marble Arch, pick up a Kimono, pop back, no-one need ever know.

Turns out she’s pretty busy – I mean don’t get me wrong she said yes immediately cos she’s a friggin legend, like the Spice Girls. I message her massivefavour.com? and she’s the kinda girl who replies – “tell me what you want what you really really want” – well what I want is for you to go to Marble Arch, like tomorrow and get this (sends pic).

“Yeah sure I can get there Monday”

I’m not sure she realises what I’ve been through.

Back to list of friends who work in London – and the one person who in hindsight I should have asked first, especially as we live near each other.

“Do you work anywhere near Oxford Street?”

“Which end?”

Which end? Whaaat? How long can a street be?! I’m really not very good with London.

It’s a 28 minute walk from her work – that’s quite a long walk for a Kimono. Tomorrow is also supposed to be a heatwave – and she’s ginger. She won’t mind me saying (I checked) plus it’s her thing – like my waist used to be my thing til I had kids.

Anyway, back to the Kimono cos this fomo is getting real – what shall I do – do I pay for a cab for her? Do I pay her full stop? Lend her my parasol? This is ridiculous.

She offers to go, she comes up with all sorts of options to avoid the heat, the tourists, walking, working. Actually love her. I realise I don’t need to pay her – I just need to send her a bottle of rum. Rum is always welcome.

I try to get some sleep. I try not to look at my phone in the morning. It takes all my strength not to text her – don’t wanna seem like some crazy shopaholic.

09.34 – I get a WhatsApp

She got the bus!

She’s my bus wanker of a friend and she has my Kimono.

And I have no more FOMO!

Note from the Editor: No gingers were harmed in the obtaining of the Kimono!

Leopard print is basically a neutral…if you don’t agree then you’re probably not 40 or a shopaholic. Or you have been living in a cave for the last two years – probably with a leopard, in which case, you win – you already have the ultimate accessory and have no need to read this!

It won’t surprise you to hear it started with shoes, well boots to be precise. You’ve got to love a bit of JL online sale browsing – that’s John Lewis btw – and that’s ‘by the way’, btw. I’m the girl no-one wants to buy for anymore – I’ve all the accessories a girl could ever want and pretty much shop ALL the time – so I get vouchers for birthdays and Christmas. Cold hard cash would be preferable but for some reason people don’t trust me to actually buy something rather than it disappearing into my overdraft – I mean it’s not like anyone has ever put money into my account for oh I don’t know, let’s say my husbands birthday, so he can get something he wants and I spent it….

So, I “spotted” these boots (see what I did there) – I mean technically they’re Cheetah but other than speed they’re basically the same animal as a Leopard right?

2464b11c98dd3ceb58d3b5574ed9edc9-boots-beige-senso — Senso ‘Cheetah’ print boots – AW16

They were the only ones left in my size and I took that as a sign – altho I do that a lot, even when all the other sizes are available, but they genuinely were the last pair. And that’s when FOMO set in – the fear of missing out. I need them even though they scare the hell out of me and not quite sure how I will style them but I have a feeling I’ll figure it out! And to me at least – if I use my vouchers they’re free!

They arrive, I love them, its easy to style them – they go with everything. BUT…man they are a statement and way out of my comfort zone. Am I seriously going to wear these on the school run? I call it a big pants moment – you know they look fine, but you’re shitting yourself as all you can think about as you walk the 20 metres from the car to the school gate is that they are so ‘out there’ you pretty much look like you are taking a leopard for a walk.

And for those who know me, just incase you’re thinking – she drives to school? Yes I am the mum who lives closest to the school, as in a 15 minute walk, and if you have a problem with it I am more than happy for you to try and get my daughter dressed and out the door in anything less than two hours – which granted you can probably do because you’re not shopping online at the same time (and then signing your kids in late and writing that in the late register as the exact reason for their tardiness – ooh good word H!) BUT and this is the truth – you’d then have to ask her to walk there – good luck with that!

So, back to me walking a leopard to school – you seriously won’t believe what happened – absolutely frigging nothing! You see, turns out not everyone is looking at your feet nor you as a matter of fact H. You’re not that important and neither are your leopard print boots.

Except they are…

They’ve started something…and the more I wear them the more they just blend into the background. People start commenting OMG I love your boots where did you get them? And it gives you a boost – especially when you’ve been stuck in maternity clothes for what feels like forever. And before you know it I have a leopard print bag, belt, ballet shoes, jumper, shirt, trainers, skirt – make that two skirts, but not a dress…

H&M Sale Top SS18

Until now.

I picked up my &otherstories dress from the Pharmacy – yep the actual Pharmacy – no joke. Nowhere near as funny as picking up my leopard mules from Alligator storage – surf and turf shopping anyone?!

&otherStories

And it’s this that led me to the coat…I swear on my big pants I only went onto Google to get the picture of my mules ready to show you on Insta in the morning – mainly because they were still sat in the boot of my car and I didn’t want to go out in my nightie to get them (even tho the husband was asleep and I could have got away with it had my son not been building Lego in the front room – and there was a 100% chance he’d have shouted “stop buying clothes mum” and that would have woken the beast – and by beast I mean my daughter – the one that doesn’t do walking – yeah she doesn’t do mornings full stop.

So there I am at midnight or thereabouts – I am a secret midnight shopper – I need quiet time to shop. I can’t find the shoes – they don’t come up if you search leopard mules – wtf? So I search leopard print – and up it comes – the Ganni coat – for £98. I already know leopard is a neutral, I already know how I’ll wear it, I already know it’s a wardrobe staple and it’s a great price and I’ll wear it forever and who are you actually trying to convince H – its midnight and everyone is asleep and you’re talking to yourself.

What I didn’t know is everyone else is thinking that too (at midnight, talking to themselves, secretly shopping whilst everyone is asleep) – and there are only size 8’s and 10’s left – you SEE – do you SEE how it happens?! Its a bloody sign I should have it – its my size and I don’t have to decide if I need a 12 or a 10 or worry about buying both and the faff of sending one back and its my size and they’re selling out fast and I NEED one and why was I even on here in the first place?

screenshot_20180817-223858_samsung-internet — GANNI

It’ll be here next week – I’ll probably miss the delivery and have to pick it up from Alligator storage again – and just for a laugh I’m gonna wear ALL my leopard print clothes.

You can NEVER have too much…and if you do…there’s always Zebra…

Or snake…

Or Alligator!

Here’s some links for you to take your own Walk on the Wild Side

Mwah x